Tag Archives: Being open

Naked Bullshit

10 Mar

How much of me do you want to see? How much of yourself do you wish to reveal? I’m not talking about our physical bodies, I’m simply asking you how much of your soul are you willing to reveal to the world?

Our culture often makes the grave mistake of confusing ‘openness” with integrity & honesty. You can tell every soul you meet every sordid detail of your entire life and have zero integrity. Confession does not by necessity equate to honesty; for if I were to confess to you that I hardly ever tell the truth… that confession would not make an honest man it would simply define me as openly dishonest.

When it comes to the internet and how much you share on the social networks, as you gather friends and share yourself with your audience I would advise that you to be both open and honest… the open part is easy (it’s just talking), the honest part is hard.

The full article can be read below.

Say no more

But you don’t share everything all at once…you still get to choose:

Remember that our goal for sharing our art/life on the internet is to gather “friends” not just followers or fans. The realm of friendship on the social networks is both different and the same as it is in everyday life. So although the medium is very different, the building of the relationship is still very much the same… Talking with a new friend on the social networks is kind of like going on a first date… let me tell you an actual story…

My First Date…

I met this very pretty lady in a store in America and we got talking, she seemed lovely so we exchanged phone numbers and decided to go on a date.

I was excited about meeting with her, she seemed “mysterious and interesting” in our brief moments of flirting. Little did I know she would not be brief, mysterious or interesting when we had coffee on that fateful smoking hot Los Angeles day…

She talked faster than a bullet train and she was as open as Madonna in her coffee table spread. I believe I uttered 3 or 4 sentences over the entire hour and half as this lovely woman emptied out her entire soul.

She started out by describing each of her addictions in sordid detail, from there we moved on to talk about her therapy sessions and thereafter… an easy segue into an abusive childhood. I believe that we finished up with a fascinating excursion into all her career anxieties (actress). This very pretty lady was extremely open and honest… but was she interesting?

Well, even though I knew everything… I did go on a second date. I guess I was a male fool and she was really very pretty. Why do I tell you this story?

People are thirsty for real relationships. But relational strength is related primarily to depth and depth is related to resilience and resilience is a function of shared experience and time. Hence for strong relationships (loyalty) to be built there is a requirement for a “shared journey.”

Going Together

A Shared Journey:

I was never against dating a girl who had addictions, it’s a good thing to go to therapy, and abuse is a tragic thing in any persons life. In my mind we all have addictions, we all need therapy and we all suffer abuse in one way or another. I wasn’t judging this incredible woman. She had lived a very dramatic life… but I should have found that interesting. I guess I wanted to discover who she was myself, there was no mystery there, no need to unwrap and explore.

Hence being wildly provocative on the social networks may get you a lot of immediate attention, but bad attention may not be good attention because it does not inspire loyalty. Eventually and quickly your newly found friends will disappear if there is nothing fresh to discover. There may have been a third date but there certainly wasn’t a fourth…

Hence being open isn’t about vomiting up the past, or present because there is nothing living there; no sense of forward journey together. It’s all about the past and it’s all about you. All I can do is listen and we aren’t very good friends yet... BORING…

Come on in

An Open House:

Imagine if I decided to show you my house because I’m selling it.  Instead of letting you come inside and wander through at your leisure… I grab you by the hand and I drag you in. I pull you into the living room and first I show the stains down the front of the couch, I breathlessly rant about how Billy dropped the bottle of red wine when he was drunk and he shouldn’t have been drunk because he was only fourteen and he’s the only fourteen year old in the history of LA doing AA. I then grab photos of the mantelpiece and rush through a tirade of dramatic stories about distant relatives. Then I haul you into the kitchen, where the dog is barking, and the stinky dishes haven’t been washed and the trash needs to be taken out and I complain that I’ve always wanted a bigger kitchen because we don’t have enough room for all our stuff. Into the bedroom we go, and I lustfully and in hushed breathless undertones tell you tales of our sordid marital passion upon that broken down old four post bed… Into the on-suite we go with further tales of marital passion, mildew on the shower and a toilet seat that I leave up because quite frankly it’s my prerogative!

Do you want to buy my house or do you wanna just get the hell out of there?

It just works better if you give people the time and space to discover. It works better if you clean things up a little, it’s their space too. They need time to invest, they need time to imagine, they need time to discover what it’s like to be you… what it would be like to live in your house.  There is a time for revealing deep truths, that deep sources of pain and brokenness from which you create your artistic masterpieces. But that time will present itself at the right time, when the relationship is strong.

Being open isn’t about dragging people into the quagmire of your life, it’s about opening the door, inviting them in and sitting down in a chair and sharing life together. It’s about sitting down in a chair in their house too. Their story will be good for your art.

Go on a Adventure together

Go on an Adventure Together:

In truth, when you ask someone to follow you, to believe in you, to spread your message, to sell your work, you are asking them to embark with you on a great adventure. An artist’s adventure is impossible without his/here audience, without his fans, without his faithful friends. They have to believe in you before the rest of the world does, it’s an adventure of Faith and Trust. They need to know you are trustworthy, they need to know you are talented, they need to know you are loyal, they need to know you care.

Trust is built through listening, through sharing, through revealing and through not revealing. Trust is built through the overcoming of obstacles. Faith is built through failure and the story of your good character, which does not give up and continues to try again.

On the other hand

On the Other Hand:

At the other end of the spectrum is the private and mysterious soul who virtually never shares a “drop” of who they really are. Many people fear being known and so are very afraid of the social networks. Most of this is fear based and in my opinion selfish… especially if you wish to be supported, especially if you want people to buy your music, look at your painting or read your blog. You’re not sharing… your selling.

Speaking of not sharing and remain locked up, tight-lipped and quiet…? That reminds me of another first date, but that my friends is a story for another day.

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